Congratulations
by Charliebunny07
Summary: songfic to Congratulations by Blue October. Dana Scully is moving on, will Fox Mulder get left behind? Mulder-angst now it's complete
1. prologue

**Disclaimer; **_Chris owns these wonderful people, Mulder and Scully, I just borrow them, _

_I really don't want to give them back, whines_

_And Blue October (great band) owns Congratulations (great song) I highly recommend the album Foiled._

**Author's note**_**: **__I like this story, but I feel it's a bit confusing and a bit off and I'm not just posting for the sake of posting, I do think someone out there in fan fiction world might like this story, but I also feel that I might be a bit too hard on Mulder; but I will let you decide, but don't judge me too harshly please. Remember creative criticism only. _

_I got this idea while listening to my Blue October CD in between commercials of the x-files episode THE BEGINNING and listening to the conversation that Mulder and Scully had at the end, so this is the end result._

_I did alter the conversation to fit the idea, duh, ; )_

_**Prologue: You left me**_

_**My heart, my pain won't cover up,**_

_**You left me.. **_

_**My heart My heart can't take this cover up,**_

_**You left me…**_

Mulder sat in the darkness of his apartment just sipping on his fifth beer. Today just wasn't his day, or really life wasn't his best. He had fought with his best friend, and partner, Dana Scully.

She had asked for his trust, and he felt like a jerk, for the fact that she had to ask. Didn't she know that he always trusted her, that sometimes, he was just an idiot.

* * *

_Dana had come down to the office to check up on Mulder. He was hiding out looking at the burned files. She had come to talk to him and he was being difficult with her, finally she broke._

_"You didn't trust me, you trusted Diana without question, but you questioned me," Scully had said and the pain of his betrayal was clear in her voice._

* * *

Mulder sighed and finished off his beer and got up to get another one. He swayed his way over to the kitchen to get another out of the fridge.

He sat back down on his couch. He raised his beer.

"Congratulations, Dana Scully on your new life," he said bitterly and took a swig.

* * *

_"I didn't mean to, Scully, it's just that she, Diana and I have history," Mulder said lamely._

_"And we don't?" she questioned._

* * *

Mulder groaned and put his head in his hands. He replayed the conversation in his head and tried to think of what he could have said instead of the _**jerk**_ things he said.

* * *

_Dana had looked away from him and gave him the files of Gibson Praise._

_"I don't know what you'll think of that, but it's obvious of what you think of me," she said._

_"Dana…," he stressed._

_"I already filed to be transferred, Nevada field office," she said._

_Mulder looked at her shocked, but held back any of his true emotions. It killed him, but she made up her mind. No point in trying to fight her._

_"Well, then you've made the decision for both of us," Mulder waved her off and turned to his files again, "Have a nice life."_

_She walked out of the office for the last time. Mulder resisted the urge to go after her._

* * *

He would never understand why, but after all he was an idiot and he proved his point magnificently.

He looked at his phone and contemplated calling her, but thought it was a bad idea. One; he was drunk, and two, she must still be really angry with him.

He finished his last beer. She deserved more. Her leaving was the best thing she could do. Why rot in that basement with him?Mulder tried to convince himself that he was fine, but he knew that he would die without her.

His phone rang. He answered.

"Mulder," he said trying not to slur his words.

"Hi," Scully said timidly.

Mulder cleared his throat, "Oh, hey, uh…"

"I just wanted to clear things up, I don't want to leave on bad terms with you, Mulder," Dana said sincerely.

"I don't want to either, but I don't know how to explain what happened," Mulder said.

"Well, I just realized why you would believe Diana, or trust her more then me," Dana said.

"Dana, there is no one I trust more then you, I'm just, I'm an idiot, I'm sorry for even questioning you," Mulder said hoping that maybe he could talk her out of leaving.

"I got over that, all of it, I know that you have history with her, you two were…lovers, and you and I, well, were just friends, the heart always wins," Dana said a bit uncomfortably.

"Dana, I'm sorry, is there no way…?" Mulder said.

"I think me leaving is for the best, and there really is nothing left, we're no longer on the x-files; right now I need to worry about my career," Dana said.

"I know, and you should, you're great, you can do so much better," Mulder agreed reluctantly.

They paused for a moment.

"So what will you do?" Dana asked softly.

"What ever they tell me to, I want to be back on the x-files, even if it is with Spender and Diana, what about you?" Mulder said.

"I'll be assigned to the Forensics team," Dana answered.

"That's good," Mulder said.

"Yeah, well I should go, good luck Mulder," Dana said earnestly.

"You too, I'll miss you," Mulder said.

"Me too, bye, Fox," she teased lightly.

He laughed softly, and sadly, "See you Dana,"

They both hung up. Unsure of what the future may bring.


	2. Chapter one

**Disclaimer; Mulder and Scully are owned by Chris Carter, i just own this bad idea. : )**

**Chapter one: Congratulations**

_Is that seat taken? _

_Congratulations. _

_Would you like to take a walk with me? _

_My mind it kind of goes fast _

_I'll try to slow it down for you _

_I think I'd love to take a drive _

_I want to give you something I've been wanting to give to you for years… My heart _

_**Five years later…**_

**2003**

Mulder hurried home. He loved being on the x-files, but god could Diana and Spender push his buttons.

He had been back in the division for a only a few months now. It had taken some time, but with a lot of faking, lying, and kissing ass, he was back, but it wasn't the same…well…without Scully.

He entered his home. He checked his messages, hoping for that familiar voice.

It was his lucky day.

/_Hey, Fox, it's Dana, I'll be in town, visiting with my mother, and I was wondering if I could come and see you, give me a call, love you, bye_/

Mulder stood there surprised. He hadn't seen her for five years now. She never really had a lot of time off that she could spend with him. Every time she did come to town she only had time to see her family. He didn't mind, they talked a lot over the phone or through e-mail. It was enough, considering he could have lost her completely.

He replayed her words again. He was excited that he would get to see her, but noticed how his heart had jumped when she said 'love you'.

It didn't mean anything more then friendly affection, it was just a show of how close they had become. He said it too to her, but now it was taking on more meaning, and he wished he could tell her.

He speed-dialed her number, number one of course.

It rang a couple of times, then he heard, "Hello,"

"Dana, hey," he said.

"Hi, Fox," she said, he could almost hear her smile.

"It's been so long, what have you been up to?" Mulder asked.

"I know, I'm sorry, I've just been busy, I've missed you," Dana said.

"Same here, so how's work," Mulder asked.

"Oh, the same, so how's being back on the x-files, last time you told me you guys were working on something to do with, ah, I don't remember, sorry," she said truthfully.

"Don't worry, it's not important, just know it blows, I can't work with those two, I need you," Mulder said offhandedly.

He could hear her become uncomfortable, "Yeah I know, I miss it…sometimes, but I'm doing well, but anyway, anything new going on," she said asking a question she didn't need to voice because she asked it all the time.

"You mean, girlfriend?" Mulder smiled.

"Well, maybe," she said coyly.

"No, well there was this one girl, but nothing came from it, what about you, are you still seeing Allan Marcus, I think his name was," Mulder said.

"No, we broke up a few months ago, wow we haven't talked since then huh," Dana said surprised.

"I guess so," Mulder said sadly.

God how he missed her.

"Well, I have been dating this guy Kevin Wolfe for about six months," Dana said.

"Wolfe, what is it with you and men that are named after animals?" Mulder teased.

Dana laughed, "I have no idea, but I really like the two I know, but he is nice,"

Mulder was glad, but he knew the next question he asked would hurt him.

"So you serious with him?" he asked.

Dana sighed, "Yeah, I love him a lot, I know it's soon, but I see a future with him,"

Mulder felt like his heart wanted to escape his body and jump out the window. He didn't want to know this. He wanted her to be his forever.

"I'm glad, it's great, now you can finally have that life," he said.

"I always had a life, but I was just missing a few things," Dana said.

"Anyway, so when are you coming up?" Mulder said wanting to get off the subject.

"Oh, yeah, um next Friday, I'm staying through the weekend, I really would like to see you," Dana said.

"Is Kevin coming with you?" Mulder asked trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"Yeah, but I thought I would see you on my own, unless you want me to bring him," Dana said.

"No, I just want to see you," Mulder said.

"Okay, I'll see then, I'll try to call, but if not, I'll see you when I get into town," Dana said.

"Great, I love you Dana," Mulder said a little more emotionally then he'd meant to.

Dana hesitated a moment and Mulder noticed it.

"I love you too Fox, bye," she said finally and hung up.

Mulder was confused. Was she all right. Usually nothing caused her to act weird. They were very comfortable now with each other.

He was surprised that she was coming to visit. He hoped that it wasn't something serious.

Mulder had cleaned up his apartment. He was excited to see Dana. She would be arriving at seven. They would eat in. He didn't want to share her with the world tonight. Bad enough he had to now share her with some other man.

There was a light knock on his door around seven. He rushed to open it.

It was Dana. The moment they laid eyes on each other, they embraced.

Mulder didn't realize how much he missed her.

He held her back from her and smiled a real genuine smile.

"Wow, you grew your hair out," he said.

She smiled, "Yeah, I thought I would; it's been a long time," she said and followed him to the living room.

They both sat on his couch.

"You look great," he said.

"You too, I see nothing much has really changed," she said looking around his apartment.

"Don't like change much, but anyway, what brings you to see your mother," Mulder asked a slight tone of concern in his voice.

"Oh, nothing bad," she said quickly.

"Well," he said.

She shyly pushed her hair behind her ear and he saw it. The object of his demise.

"You're engaged?" he nearly accused.

"Yeah, two weeks, I came to tell my family, and I wanted to tell you in person," Dana said happily.

He looked away from her. His mind was trying to tell him to tell her he was happy. To tell her congratulations, but all his heart wanted to do was to kill the man who was now claiming her.

"I thought you said it was nothing bad," he said slightly sad.

"Mulder…" she said.

"No, I'm kidding, I'm happy for you, congratulations," he forced a smile.

"You sound far from it, what's wrong?" she asked truly concerned.

"Nothing, Dana, really, I guess I just feel…I don't know, once you get married, I feel like that's it for us," Mulder said.

"Fox, it's not, you'll always be my friend, nothing will change that, I promise," she said taking hold of his hand.

He looked at their hands. _**It was over**_. She was no longer his, not that she ever was. But now their chance was slipping away.

He so badly wanted to tell her that he loved her, but how? It was obvious that she loved this Kevin Wolfe.

"I know, Dana, I guess I'm also feeling like I'm being left behind, I have no one, and I'm still doing what I was five years ago, I'm not moving forward, I'm still in the same place you left me," Mulder said.

"Well, maybe you could change your career, maybe come out to Nevada," Dana suggested.

He smiled, "I don't think your soon to be husband would like you hanging out with another man,"

"It's not his choice, besides he has women friends, and I don't say anything," Dana said.

"To his face," Mulder said.

She smiled, "Fine, but I would love to have you closer, I really do miss you,"

"I would love to be closer to you too, but I belong here," Mulder said.

She only nodded.

"So when do you tell your family?" Mulder asked still feeling his heart break.

"Um…tomorrow, dinner," Dana said.

"So, I'm the first," he said.

"Yeah, I wanted you to know first," Dana said.

"Before Bill came and did a victory dance in my living room," Mulder said.

She laughed, "Something like that,"

He sighed, "I hope Kevin makes you happy, you really deserve it Dana,"

"He does, but Mulder I've always been happy, I always had you," she said.

He looked at her. She blushed a bit.

"You did, and I always had you, but now, I have to share," he said, "I don't like to share," he pouted.

She smiled, "Neither did I when Diana came back, but I got over it,"

"Yeah, well, she doesn't bother with me," he said.

"Well, I still like you, so don't worry," she said.

"So when is the wedding?" Mulder asked.

"Three months from now," Dana said.

"Well, I will keep my schedule open, unless I'm abducted by aliens," he teased.

"No, you will be there no matter what, I won't let that excuse slid," Dana smiled.

"I promise," he said.

"Well, what should we eat then," Dana said.

"The usual take out Chinese place down the street," Mulder said.

"It's still open, I love that place, still the best," Dana said.

"Yeah, well I'll call, so what will you have?" Mulder said getting up to get the phone.

"You remember" Dana said.

"Of course I do," Mulder smiled.

They finished dinner and at eleven Dana got a call from Kevin.

"Oh, gosh I hadn't noticed, yeah, no I'll leave, sorry, love you, bye," Dana said.

Mulder looked at her sadly.

"I have to go, I forgot I was here with him, but I'll come back tomorrow," Dana said.

"Don't worry, I hold you to nothing," Mulder said.

"I will, I promise, I never get to see you, I'm going to make the most of my weekend here," she said.

Mulder smiled. He walked her to the door.

She stood and stared at him for a moment. She ran a hand through his hair affectionately.

"Don't worry, you'll still have me, besides I can't trust you by yourself for too long," she smiled reassuringly.

He laughed lightly, "You're right,"

She stared at him for a moment, "Fox, are you all right?"

"I am, really, it's just a lot of emotion at seeing you, but I am happy for you," he said.

She nodded, "I'll talk to you tomorrow,"

She left for home. Mulder watched her and was damning himself for being and still being an idiot.

_My heart, _

_my pain won't cover up _

_You left me.. _

_My heart can't take this cover up _

_You left me.. _


	3. Chapter two

**Disclaimer; mulder, scully and the rest of the scully's don't belong to me, they belong to that wonderful man Chris Carter**

**Chapter two: Can't change your mind**

_And I can't change this _

_I can never take it back _

_But now I can't change your mind _

_You left me_

_**November 6**__**th**__**, 2003**_

Mulder drove around the parking lot of the church, looking for a place to park, and still deciding if he should even be here. Finally he found a space, far away from the entrance. He felt extremely awkward to be here.

He was here to watch the woman he loved, declare her love, life, and devotion to another man. It was killing him, but he still valued her as his friend, and he would never want to disappoint her. She really wanted him there.

He sat in his car. Still not wanting to be there. He looked at his watch. Twenty minutes until she would be walking down the isle and permanently out of his life. He didn't know if he could stand it.

He was startled when he heard a tap on his window. He looked up to see Bill Scully. Mulder groaned internally, but put on a polite smile.

He opened his car door and stepped out.

"Hey, Bill congratulations," Mulder said.

"Yeah, my sister is finally getting married, although not to who I thought," Bill said.

"Oh," was all Mulder said.

They started walking to the church.

"I always thought that she would end up to you," Bill said.

"Bet your glad that this Kevin has her, huh?" Mulder said.

"I don't know, I like the guy, but I guess you and her had chemistry, she and Kevin, they get along, but with you two you could just sense the affection,?" Bill said, "I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry, if you had feelings and were hurt today,"

Mulder looked at Bill surprised, but said nothing.

They entered the church.

"She wants to see you before the wedding, I think it would be a good idea," Bill said.

"Want me to get the pain out of my system so I don't ruin the wedding?" Mulder teased.

Bill smiled slightly at him, "Are you, I hope you have no intentions of embarrassing her, she may not have the connection she has with you with this guy, but she still loves him,"

"I know she does, believe me, I know, I guess I'll go and say hi," Mulder said, "Could you show me?"

"Yeah," Bill said and took Mulder to one of the rooms.

Mulder knocked. He heard her call.

He opened the door but not all the way.

"Are we decent?" he said.

"Mulder," Dana said excitedly.

He walked in and smiled, "Wow, you haven't called me that in a while with a tone of happiness."

She smiled, "Normal reaction when I'm happy to see you now,"

She was sitting at a vanity mirror. Still primping. Mrs. Scully was with her. She smiled at him.

"Yeah or pissed off," he smiled when she did, "Well I guess I can't respond 'Scully', in a few minutes you will be 'Wolfe'." he said a bit nostalgically.

"Yeah, but we will always be Mulder and Scully, no matter what," she promised.

"Hello Fox," Margaret said and kissed his cheek.

"Hello Mrs. Scully, wonderful day today," he said.

"It is," she agreed.

Dana got up and embraced Mulder.

"I'm so glad you came, I was worried that you wouldn't," she said.

"Of course I would, I couldn't miss the wedding of my best friend," he said.

She smiled at him, and her mother sat her down so they could finish her make up and hair.

Mulder looked at her. She was so beautiful. Her long hair was done in soft curls and her dress was so beautiful, but really she made the dress beautiful.

She looked like an angel. Mulder thought that Kevin was really a lucky man.

"So you nervous," he asked.

"A bit, but I'm so happy," she said.

"I am happy for you too, although I've never met Kevin, he is a good man right?" Mulder said.

"Oh, yes, I'll introduce you after," Dana said.

She completed the finishing touches.

"So how do I look," she asked Mulder and her mother.

"Oh, Dana you look beautiful," her mother said with tears in her eyes.

"Oh, mom, don't cry," Dana laughed.

Margaret wiped her eyes, "I'm sorry, just being silly, but you look beautiful,"

Dana looked at Mulder, "Well?"

He smiled, "You do look beautiful, perfect," he said.

She smiled, "Thank you,"

"Well, I should go get a seat, I'll see you after," Mulder said and rushed out of the room.

He hid near the back. He didn't think he had the strength to watch this. He was losing her. There was no way he was getting her back after this.

The ceremony was a blur to him. He watched Dana walked down the isle, but tuned out the words. He couldn't hear her say the words 'I do'. She was willing leaving him.

He knew the truth. She and Kevin would settle down. Buy a house, maybe try to have a child however they could. He would fade from her mind, or maybe he would try to disappear.

After today he wouldn't be able to see her happy, because he would know that it was this man, who she was giving her life and love to, who would be the reason for it.

He would no longer be the one she needed or depended on. It was over and there was nothing he could do.

The ceremony ended and he was disturbed from his inner turmoil by the crowd rising and clapping for the happy newly weds. He numbly joined them.

He wasn't happy for them, but he had no choice. He looked away when he saw the glow, and happiness she showed.

Her happiness was no longer about him anymore.

He skipped the reception, claiming sickness. He didn't want to meet Kevin. Didn't want to know how good a man he was or how he was now Dana's best friend. He didn't want to accept that he had been replaced.

He drove home and wished that he could block this memory. Erase it and just pretend that tomorrow he would be walking into the office five years ago.

_And I can't take this _

_I can never take this back _

_But now I can't change your mind _

_can't change your mind (You left me) _


	4. Chapter three

**Chapter three: My heart**

_I came to see the light in my best friend _

_You seemed as happy as you'd ever been _

_My chance of being open was broken and now you're Mrs. Him. _

_My words they don't come out right But I'll try to say I'm happy for you _

_I think I'm going to take that drive _

_I wanted to, _

_to give you something I've been wanting to give to you for years_

_My heart _

_**Five years later**_

_**2008**_

Mulder was driving up to Nevada to visit Dana. He usually visited around the holidays, but he had some time he could take during the summer, so she invited him.

He had dropped his stuff off at the motel he always stayed at. He never felt comfortable staying with them, although Kevin and she offered every time he came to visit.

He had gotten to know Kevin over the years, and he hated that he actually liked him. Kevin treated Dana well, and he saw how much he made her happy. Mulder never wished Dana poor things, but a part of him did wish she wasn't so happy with Kevin.

He pulled up in front of her house.

He walked up to the house and let himself in. He usually did.

He found Dana in the kitchen putting away the dishes.

"Hey," he said.

She turned around, slightly startled, "Fox," she said and embraced him.

He missed her and was always glad that she missed him too.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Oh, great," she said, and pulled him back from her to get a good look at him.

She smiled, "How are you,"

"I'm fine, I actually left the x-files, well actually the F.B.I. all together," he said.

She frowned a bit, "Why, what will you do?"

"I have no idea, maybe take up with the Lone Gunmen, and I didn't find any interest in it anymore, besides I feel like I was getting a bit old for it," he said.

"Hey watch it, I'm only three years younger, and you are not old," she lightly scolded, but smiled.

He laughed lightly, "Well, I guess what I mean is, I feel like I let life passed me by," he said.

"Well, let me get us some thing to drink, and we can go and talk outside," she said.

She got them some iced tea and led him out into her backyard. They sat in silence for a moment.

"So, explain to me, are you going through your midlife crisis already?" she teased.

He laughed, "Maybe, but it's like I said, I'm nearing my fifties and I've never been married, or even close," he said.

"It's not too late, Fox," she said sipping her drink.

"Well, it's not even that, I mean who would really want me, and I'm not putting myself down, I just mean really, I spent half my life looking for little grey aliens, and found nothing, not even my sister, I wasted a lot of time I could have spent growing, developing a personality that was nearly normal." he said.

"Well, I like you the way you are," she said sincerely.

He smiled affectionately, "Yeah, but you're already married, otherwise I'd ask you,"

"Yeah, would you really have?' she asked with a slight blush.

"Of course I would, but I don't think you would have said yes," Mulder said taking a drink of his iced tea.

She looked at him contemplatively, "No I don't think I would have, but I would have probably thought about it,"

"At least I would've had a slim chance," he said sardonically.

"So what do you really plan to do now that you don't work?" she asked.

"I have no real idea, I moved into my mother's house for now, and sold my dad's, so I'm set for living," he said.

"I just want you to be all right," she said.

"Thanks for caring, Dana, but I'll be fine, I always have been," he said.

She looked a bit hurt at the comment. He caught it.

"I don't mean that I never needed you, I just mean I'm an adult, I have to be fine, and besides you have a life, you don't need to be worrying over me," he said.

"I know, but I still care about you, I hope you've always known that," Dana said looking at him.

"I have, the comment was insensitive, sorry," Mulder said, "I guess, I still feel left behind,"

"Like when I got married?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, you didn't abandon me, but you moved on, you have what everyone is trying to achieve, a great career, a house, someone to share your life with, you have it all," Mulder said.

"You make it sound like all of it is just some show, trophies of who is better, I'm not any better then you," Dana said firmly.

"Well, I think you are, all I have is the Lone Gunmen, I _had_ my work, I have nothing to show for the last fifty years, I accomplished nothing," he said moodily.

She looked at him incredulously, "How can you say that, you've done a lot, you helped people with the x-files, you were the only one who believed, you gave hope to people who were at the end of their rope, and you saved them…you saved me," she said honestly.

He looked at her appreciatively, "Really, I thought all I did was piss you off,"

She laughed, "Yeah, that too, but you were always there for me, and I hope that was there for you too,"

"You were, I just wanted you to be happy; are you?" he said meaningfully.

"I am when I'm around you, I mean I'm happy with Kevin, but well, he isn't you," she clarified.

"We missed our chance," he said sadly.

"I like it that I have you as my friend," she said earnestly.

"Friend, I never thought I would ever come to hate that word," he said softly, slightly bitter.

She looked at him confused, "What do you mean?"

"It's nothing, Dana, it's irrelevant," he said waiving it off.

"Mulder, did you…did you love me…back then?" she asked nervously.

He looked at her dolefully, "Still do,"

She looked away from him, hurt.

He saw her pain. He reached for her hand, but she pulled away.

"I always thought you loved Diana," Dana said softly.

"I was a fool when you left, blinded by a deceitful past, and you never gave me the chance to explain," Mulder said.

"I was hurt too," she admitted, "I was jealous, because you loved her,"

"I did, but not like I loved you, but it was too late when I realized I loved you, and I didn't think you would feel the same," Mulder said looking at her.

She turned away to hide her tears. He moved over to her.

"I don't want to hurt you, that is the last thing I want to do to you," Mulder said holding her hands.

She only nodded.

"Dana, do you still love me, after all these years, even though you are married to a man you said you loved?" he asked.

"I can't answer that, Mulder," she said pained.

"I know that, I'm sorry I even brought it up," he said moving back to his seat, regretful.

"God, Mulder I can't even imagine what you must have been feeling, you even went to my wedding," she said sorrowfully.

"I was hurt, but I felt I deserved it, I wanted you to be happy, and I didn't care if it wasn't with me," he said honestly.

She wiped away her tears, "It's too late," she stated.

"I accepted that a long time ago," Mulder said.

"I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

He nodded. They looked at each other for a moment. Neither knowing what to say.

They both startled when they heard the front door open.

"Dana!" Kevin called.

She gave Mulder an apologetic look.

"I'm out here, Kevin, Fox is here," she called back and straightened herself.

He came out and kissed Dana. She smiled at him.

"Hello, Fox glad you could make it, how long are you staying this time," Kevin said holding out his hand to shake.

Mulder accepted his greeting and smiled, "I don't know yet, probably a week,"

Dana looked at Mulder with a small smile, "I'm hoping indefinitely, I'm still trying to convince him to move out here," she said looking then at her husband.

Both looked at her surprised; Mulder a bit confused. She only smiled at Mulder slightly, giving him a look that they would talk.

"Well, that would be a good idea, it's great to have you around Fox," Kevin said unaware of anything going on.

Mulder felt bad for the man. If only he knew of the conversation they had just had. And that was the final thought for his decision.

"Actually, I really don't think I would feel comfortable living out here, it's too hot, and my life really is in D.C." He said pointedly looking at Dana.

She understood the message fully. She took hold of her husband's hand. He smiled at her.

"Well, that's too bad, maybe we can find a way to convince you before you head back," he laughed lightly.

"Sure, well I should get going, it was a long flight," Mulder said.

"Oh, you won't be joining us for dinner tonight," Dana said slightly disappointed.

"I'm tired, but I can see you tomorrow, I should take off now," he said.

"I'll walk you out," Dana said.

Dana walked him to his car.

"I know what you were up to, and I don't think it was fair to Kevin," Mulder said turning to her.

She looked at him ashamed, "I know, I'm sorry,"

"Nothing can happen between us, as much as I want to, the fact remains, you're married Dana," Mulder said and caressed her cheek.

She smiled sadly at him, "I know,"

He looked at her contemplatively, "I really wish I had said something, I thought I was doing you the favor of letting you go, but I see, once again, I've only hurt us,"

"Not really, I'm still glad that we are friends," she smiled.

"Well, I should go, I'll see you tomorrow," he said.

"All right," Dana said and kissed Mulder on the cheek.

He kissed her back, wishing he had the immorality to do more.

He got in his car and drove to his motel.

_My heart, my pain won't cover up You left me.. _

_My heart My heart can't take this cover up You left me…_

Mulder had retuned to his motel. It was nearing midnight now. It had been nearly seven hours since his illuminating and painful conversation with Scully. He knew what he really wanted and it was things that he shouldn't. Things he didn't deserve anymore.

Truthfully, he wanted to be closer to her. Any way possible, but he knew that she was married and it wasn't fair to Kevin.

He knew what would happen if he did move closer to her. He would get what he wanted at the cost of her marriage and the life she had.

No, they had their chance and it passed them by. There was no going back, no matter how much he didn't want to accept that.

He lay on his bed, wondering what she was thinking now, what she was doing now. And keeping away the thoughts that he didn't want to imagine her doing.

He sighed. There was nothing he could do. He lost her and all he had was the regrets. She couldn't have any. She may not understand what was between them, but she made no mention or indication that she wanted to leave Kevin. She was happy where she was.

Mulder knew that he would be the other man. Not someone she would consider more important then her husband. She would never leave the life she had for him.

Why didn't he just keep his mouth shut. It was so much easier to deal with his love for her if he didn't know that he had a chance or could have had a chance. It was better kept unrequited then to know it could have been reciprocated, but that it was the circumstances that were now keeping them apart.

He was driving himself crazy while most likely she was resting peaceful in her bed with her husband.

Mulder sighed, rolled over away from the clock so that he could stop counting the minutes he was now spending without her, to stop counting the minutes of the lifetime he had given up of loving her and having her love him back.

_Go away Make it go away Please._

**author's note: don't hate me**


End file.
